Through the shattered looking glass...

Okay, so we've all had our teenage crushes on celebrities that we like to call love.

"I loooooooooove Orlando Bloom!"

"I looooooooooooove Gwenyth Paltrow!"

"I looooooooooooove so-and-so!"

Great. Good. Fine. Good for you, you've now falsified an emotion we like to call lust by calling it love.
Sorry, doesn't work.
I don't know why I'm so annoyed by this, but Evan says he's now "in love" with Keira Knightley, and he totally went off on me saying "God, she's so hot! She has full lips, she's beautiful, she's just so fucking... err! God I want her..."

Me: O_____O okay then...

He doesn't call his feelings for Cassie, which were very strong and lasted a long time, love, but he'll call this childish fantasy of getting together with Keira Knightley "love."
I mean, I love Johnny Depp. But everyone that hears me knows that I don't mean true love or even just romantic love in general. No, I admire Johnny Depp and I want to shag him, but that's not LOVE.
Anyways, I guess what pisses me off is that sometimes Evan's so superficial. He can't get passed the beautiful face, the curvacious curves, and the well kept body.
He says he looked up stuff about Keira Knightley, and that blah blah blah I know all this shit about her. Well good. You have now equivalated yourself to a Keira Knightley scholar. Good for you.
Doesn't mean you love her.
You haven't met her, you haven't held her in your arms, and you haven't gotten to know her really. You don't know HER. You just know what the internet says about her, an unreliable source at best that's right 50% of the time.
*sigh* I guess this all goes back to how I will never be good enough. Never. Cause I'm not pretty, I don't have curves, and I'm not talented enough. That's how I feel anyways.
I feel like a little ant who's anthill he keeps crushing. I build and build on it as I build on my hopes, and he just keeps crushing them.
I hate it when people are superficial.
Everytime I build up a mite of self-esteem, thinking "Hey... maybe I am pretty, talented and smart" he just takes it away, blasts it to smithereens.
You know....
I....
I did something stupid. But I was hoping.
I picked up this Oracle book in the bookstore, it said to place my hand on the front and concentrate very hard on a question adn then open the book to a random page whenever the time felt right.
I did.
I asked it if I would ever find happiness with Evan and if we'd ever be together and spend the rest of our lives with each other, loving one another until the day we die.
It...
It turned right to Yes.
Not a "Maybe... wait and see" or "Look to the stars for help".
Just... "Yes."
And I got my hopes up.
Whatever...
The good thing about all this is, if I get the part of Cecile in Les Liasons Dangereuses and he gets his suspected part of Valmont, he has to make out with me. HA!
*sigh* And he'll complain about that.
Whatever, it's theatre.

~Alice~